November 12, 2014
Am I fake? I don’t think I am besides the weave in my head. Sometimes I know how to keep not-so nice things to myself and I always try to be positive but I wouldn’t consider myself fake. Entisar isn’t technically in the circle of trust…yet. She’s definitely cool and everything but Claire, Kasey, and I have been to Sri Lanka together and we’ve gotten drunk together more times than I can count. Truths come out when you’re sitting rooftop and guzzling down your third bottle of Prosecco. Kasey and Claire know my feelings about Chris and it’s not like I’m hiding anything from Entisar, it’s just she really hasn’t asked about my dating life and we haven’t been in an intimate setting enough for me to explain everything in detail to her. There’s not much to tell besides the fact that I met him at a Caribbean yacht party, slept with him a few times, and he’s also a teacher at ENS. Not very interesting, right? A part of me does feel like she may judge me if she knows that side of me. It’s not like I’m a whore or anything but seeing as how it didn’t amount to anything, what’s the point of explaining the whole situation to her? He just liked fucking me and hanging out with me when I’m in Abu Dhabi. Although, he did say I could never stay in his apartment when we met at the Sheraton…but then on Halloween all he wanted to do was get me back to his place. I guess just for sex : ( . Story of my life. I must give it up too easily to guys that don’t want much from me. I have to learn how to keep it in my pants even if I’m super horny and he’s attractive to me. Ugh, he gets so clingy when we’re in person but then once we’re apart it’s as if I don’t exist.
That’s supposed to be how I treat dudes, not the reverse. I don’t like playing hard to get. Who am I kidding? I do like playing hard to get 🙂 but I don’t enjoy chasing after a dude. I feel thirsty…which I am but I don’t want to show it. I’m letting it go so I’m talking about something else.
Anywho, back to my personal issues. Let’s face it: Quincy has trust issues in her romantic life and in her friendships. I was deeply betrayed by two people that I cared for and that fucked me up. Ergo, my guard is up super high and I’ve somewhat alienated people and assumed everyone has an ugly side to them that they’re masking with a nice smile and a compliment. I don’t talk about people behind their backs and I don’t go around spreading rumors about my friends or associates. I’ll admit I sometimes stretch stories a bit for dramatic effects but it’s never far from the truth.
There’s also the fact that I know how jealous girls can be if they see you happy. (i.e. Drea and Jess) I don’t like jealousy and therefore I usually just keep a lot of things to myself because I don’t like confrontation and being mean to people. Trust me, I know how to be nasty to a person and I’ll chop a nigga up real quick if push comes to shove or if I’ve had one too many drinks. It’s easy for me to be like that to dudes but it’s more difficult for me to do it with friends or associates. If I have to deal with you on the regular basis, I don’t want there to be bad blood or tension. I’m a very chill person and I feel like God made me this way for a reason. I don’t let the little things keep me down or get in the way. I AM FLAWED. PEOPLE ARE FLAWED. I just sometimes have trouble distinguishing which flaws I should deal with and when to walk away. I NEVER WANT TO BE THE MEAN ONE…but I’m learning that it’s just a part of life. Sometimes you have to tell it like it is and if a person doesn’t like it, well oh well. The truth was out there. From this day forth, I vow to myself to be more honest with others and more open. This is a brand new life I’ve chosen for myself in the UAE and I plan to make this a learning experience. I must learn how to be Quincy 100%. So what if I’m pretty good at using computer? Or I know a little bit of Spanish. Who cares if I can sing a lil’ bit and I’m quick witted. Yes, I’m very sexual and I suck at deciding if a guy is really into me or if he just wants Bermuda (my vagina). Yes, I have horrible smelling farts and my morning breath is God awful. Yes, I’m a KG (kindergarten) teacher and I’m pretty good at it. No, I don’t want to be one forever and I want to one day be a college professor or instructor. Yes, I enjoy alcohol and sometimes I drink a bit too much and puke in pubic. My apologies but that’s just me.
Quincy Abrams 